1/23/11~ Eternal rays of perfect

an endless circle

of completeness eternal

rays of perfect love

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Having taken a much-needed break from dancing and performing, I have spent my time reevaluating exactly *why* I was even dancing to begin with. First of all, dance kept me connected to my friends and community…. secondly, it gave me a medium in which to express myself.

The burning question was, who was I dancing for? … Me?  Wasn’t belly dance supposed to help connect me with a more positive body image? and if so, why wasn’t it working for me?

My dance last year at Raqs Luminaire, was in tribute to the two babies I had lost to miscarriage, it was a cathartic release and prayer. My music connected me to my grief and the souls who were not meant to be.  That was what it was, and it helped me greatly in my healing process, but just how much of that does someone want to see? I had to come to a place where I am no longer dancing for myself, and my friends, but for an audience.  What would someone else want to see? Am I able to offer it for them?  I think for now, the answer is no, but with work and determination, it will be so again.

I don’t hold anyone responsible for where I am in my journey except myself.   I love and value my friendships for supporting me and loving me, but it is ultimately up to me whether I will be up to the challenge. Ho.

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5 Comments

  1. January 23, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    3 of cups ❤

    I think you are amazing, Kelly, in everything that you do.

  2. January 23, 2011 at 6:58 pm

  3. Amy said,

    January 24, 2011 at 2:19 am

  4. mady said,

    January 24, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    Kelly, I ALWAYS want to see you dance. Your performance last year was one of the most powerful things that I have ever seen. What a beautiful tribute to your babies and your art forms, of which you have many.

  5. January 24, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    THank you Mady ❤ That means a lot. That was my last real performance except the one hafla in the summer. I am happy to be going in a fresh direction though, and will definitely keep some of me in my dancing.


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